


Like A Broken Record

by contemptofthelearned



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: About himself, Derogatory Language, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gen, Michael tries to make it better, Self-Esteem Issues, Squip mental abuse, and accidentally makes it worse, before he does make it better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-13
Updated: 2017-07-13
Packaged: 2018-12-01 12:13:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11486163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/contemptofthelearned/pseuds/contemptofthelearned
Summary: "Whenever someone would say something demeaning to Jeremy, no matter how friendly, joking, or affectionate the tone, he would repeat it back to himself solemnly and in a way that made Michael feel like he was committing it to memory. It was a little unnerving and he kept trying to bring it up but something always came up or distracted away from it. He made a promise that he’d bring it up at their next hangout with just him and Jeremy."





	Like A Broken Record

**Author's Note:**

> I love to make the boy sad.  
> When I originally thought of this idea, there was absolutely nothing on the internet that was like this and I had a mighty need. 
> 
> Again, thank optionalposter for the fact that anything I make ends in comfort.
> 
> I don't post that much BMC on tumblr but feel free to hmu @eightpolygonidiots

The first time it happens is shortly after the whole play squip incident. Everyone had sort of banded together out of shared experience and even Michael was considered part of the group. They had all been stepping a little carefully around each other, especially around Rich and Jeremy, but of course Chloe is Chloe.

“Jeremy, come ON! Just let me copy some of your answers! I was too busy last night to worry about finishing the stupid worksheet!” Chloe had been whining for like 15 minutes, ever since she found out that this particular worksheet was worth a good part of their grade.

“I don’t know…I mean, I’m not even sure they’re right. And the questions were pretty open to interpretation so if we have the same answers he’ll probably suspect something…” Jeremy had been turning her down for the entire 15 minutes. Michael had to give him props, he was really sticking to his guns here.

“Fine! I don’t know why I tried anyway! You’re so useless!” She huffed, turning to find Christine to no doubt bug her for the answers. Michael watched her go before turning and getting ready to go to his class.

“I’m so useless.” It was just a whisper but he was sure he’d heard Jeremy say something. He turned back to see Jeremy standing stiffly, tense, before finishing packing up his backpack to go to class. Michael decided to shrug it off as the bell rang.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next time it happened, Jeremy had been talking about the new game he was excited to buy and play with Michael. It was a successor to one of their favorite games and the company had decided to keep the tone and aesthetic of the original so it would feel very 90’s retro gaming experience. He was explaining it to the squad while Michael was getting drinks and he came back just in time to catch the end of what was probably an impressively long rant.

“It’s going to be great! I hope the plot is a sequel, I always wondered what happened to the hero after the game!” Michael gave a little smile.

Jake gave a little chuckle. “God Jeremy you’re such a dweeb!” It was said in an affectionate tone but Jeremy looked a little shocked. Michael made sure to keep his eyes on Jeremy as the others turned to welcome him back.

“I’m such a dweeb.” That was not said in an affectionate tone. Before he could mention anything, the group was moving topics.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Michael started to notice a trend. It wasn’t hard nowadays, especially when it concerned Jeremy or one of his friends’ emotional wellbeing, but it was even worse when it was JEREMY’S emotional wellbeing. Whenever someone would say something demeaning to Jeremy, no matter how friendly, joking, or affectionate the tone, he would repeat it back to himself solemnly and in a way that made Michael feel like he was committing it to memory. It was a little unnerving and he kept trying to bring it up but something always came up or distracted away from it. He made a promise that he’d bring it up at their next hangout with just him and Jeremy.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They’re hanging out and Michael is panicking because he hasn’t made a PLAN DAMMIT and he needs to bring this up now before he forgets or it gets worse or something. It’s been weighing on him for weeks and he needs to address it now but he can’t think of any way to broach the subject elegantly or in a way which won’t make Jeremy clam up. So of course, he decides to start this insanely delicate conversation with the actual problem.

Jeremy dies in the game they’re playing, causing their 15th game over tonight and Michael doesn’t even think as he says, “God Jeremy stop being such a loser so we can finish this!” and he knows instantly that’s the worst thing he could have said. Jeremy startles like he’s been electrocuted, dropping the controller harshly on the floor (which they haven’t done in years, since the Incident) and his head into his hands and with a sob dutifully repeats “I’m such a LOSER.”

Michael watches in horror as Jeremy shakes and sobs and curses himself. ‘Idiot, idiot, moron, stupid,’ he frantically thinks as he crawls over to Jeremy. As he gets nearer, he can hear that Jeremy’s whispering things under his breath and as he gets close enough to put his hands on Jeremy’s shoulders he can hear the phrases he’s repeating.

“Everything about me is so terrible. Everything about me makes me want to die. I’m pathetic. Everything about me sucks. I’m such a slob. I’m ugly. I’m so useless. I’m such a dweeb. I’m such a loser. I’m a loser. I’m a loser.”

Michael could only stare in horror. What was even going on? He knew the latter ones were repeats of what their friends had said but what were the first couple? And then a thought struck him like lightning. The squip. God, had the squip said those things about Jeremy? A frantic sob cut through his musings. Right, first Jeremy then anger.

“Hey shh it’s okay I’m here. Everything is gonna be okay, buddy. None of that is true. You’re wonderful and amazing. Shh shh shh stop that it’s alright.” He gently rubbed Jeremy’s shoulders and pulled his hands out of his hair when they made their way there.

A panicked gasp. “No no no. I have-I have to obey. I can’t just listen I have to obey. I-I-I…I have to repeat. If I don’t I….I don’t….I…” Wait. Had the squip made Jeremy REPEAT those things? God, every new thing he learned about those shit iPhone knockoffs made him wanna rip them apart with his bare hands.

“Hey, hey, you don’t have to do anything. It’s gone, it can’t do anything to you now, huh? Take some deep breaths. Follow me alright? Follow my breaths.” He placed Jeremy’s hand on his chest and took deep, exaggerated breaths. He felt Jeremy startle a little and immediately try to copy him in a frantic way that made him a little queasy. ‘Right, squip. Having to repeat words. Why would actions be any different.’ He shook it off. No time to think on that. After a few minutes, he could feel Jeremy calming down.

“Hey Jere-bear. You with me?” He made sure to keep his voice as soft and gentle as he could. Jeremy still had his wide eyes focused solely on Michael’s face but he did manage a small nod. He let out a relieved breath. “Good good that’s good. You’re doing so good Jeremy.” That managed to startle a small noise out of Jeremy and he seemed to relax a bit more. ‘Right. Positive reinforcement, nothing that could even vaguely be an insult, no commands.’ He tried to repeat this over and over in his head to lock it in.

“Do you wanna tell me what that was about there, buddy?” Question, term of endearment. Jeremy tensed for a second before all the tension seemed to seep out of him and he slumped into Michael.

“It’s not really a big deal.”

“I mean talking shit about yourself and getting thrown into a panic attack SEEMS like a big deal to me.” Michael made sure to pay extra attention to Jeremy’s reaction. He didn’t tense up or look like he was going to freak out so opinions were fine.

“I just…I know that the squip is gone. I know he is. But it’s just…he…habits are hard to break.” Jeremy’s voice trailed off to a mutter by the end of the sentence.

“What kind of habits?” He didn’t really want to know.

“Well….I mean…..He’d-He’d make me say things or make me do things and if I didn’t do it, he’d……” That much Michael knew already but the trail at the end made him suddenly nauseous.

“Do what, Jeremy?”

“He’d…….shock me.” Michael froze. Everything froze. His moving, his breathing, his thinking. He was sure even his blood had stopped flowing through his veins except that he could hear it pounding loudly in his ears.

A nervous voice cut through the noise. “M-M-Michael?”

He snapped his eyes back to Jeremy and took in the way he was hunching into himself, shaking a little. He looked like Michael was going to yell at him. Or hit him. Michael thought he might pass out.

He couldn’t help himself. He hugged Jeremy as close to his body as he could and buried his face in Jeremy’s hair. He could feel himself crying. He cried a bit more in relief when instead of pulling away, Jeremy pulled Michael closer to him and started to cry as well.

“S-sorry, I’m so sorry Michael, I’m _so_ so sorry.”

“Hey, shhh it’s not your fault okay. You’re gonna be alright, we’re gonna be alright, okay? It’s gone now but we’re still here. We’ll work this out.” He ran a gentle hand up and down Jeremy’s back. Jeremy practically melted into him at that and he’d have to explore that another day.

“Whatever anyone’s told you is wrong alright? I’ve known you for over 12 years so I like to think I’m a bit of an expert in all things Jeremy Heere. I know that in 4th grade you memorized all of the names of every dinosaur you could find and you still know them all to this day. I know that you helped Dustin Kropp get to the nurse and sat with him all through recess even though he had pushed you off the jungle gym the day before. I know that when you’re having a rough day, you like to hide out somewhere small, wrapped in as many blankets as you can possibly find. I know that you don’t really like the spicy hot chocolate we keep at my house but you keep boxes of it at your house because you know it’s my favorite when _I’m_ having a tough day. So you should listen to me and not that dumb Arduino dumbo when I say that you are the coolest, sweetest, kindest, nicest, most interesting person I know. If you’re going to repeat _anything_ , it should be that.”

Jeremy had frozen a little bit during his speech but by the end he had relaxed into his hold completely again. He wasn’t expecting a response so he was surprised when Jeremy’s quiet, hoarse voice pipped up next to his ear.

“I’m nice. I’m….kind. I’m……………interesting.” Michael pulled back a little to look at Jeremy’s face and was glad to see a slight smile there.

“Are you feeling better?”

“Yeah.” Honestly Jeremy looked like he would pass out any minute but he didn’t think he was quite ready to sleep so…

“Wanna continue playing?” Jeremy glanced at the screen before frowning slightly. “Or we could play Minecraft?” That brought the smile back.

“Alright, terrible split screen it is.” Jeremy let out a soft laugh and yeah, they were gonna be okay.


End file.
